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I Don't Love Him Like I Used To

When the love for your husband isn’t the same as it was in the beginning

When you first find “The one” it is probably the best feeling in the world. In the beginning its all love letters, sweet text messages, romantic dinners and flowers. There are butterflies in your stomach when you see them. You can’t wait to be together. You spend all of your free time together and everything is just perfect. Yea, you may have little fights every now and then, but you end up spending more time making up.

You get engaged.

You are on cloud nine. Planning the wedding. The dress. The music. The honeymoon. You can’t see yourself with anyone else. This is it. You can’t wait for the day.

The wedding is beautiful.

It is a dream come true. Seeing him standing at the end of the isle. Taking his hands. Taking his last name. Your first dance together. The fairytale honeymoon. You will never love anyone more than this. Your heart could explode with the amount of love you have for him.

Eventually, the newlywed phase will fade away.

You will start into your lives together and the regular day to day that goes with it. Working and making your house a home, all while trying to keep the spark going in your marriage. Even after it all, you can still look at this man with the same amount of love you have always had for him. The Flame still burns.

Then, the kids are born.

Life starts getting a little more busy. Your days are filled with work, and errands. Cooking and cleaning. Diapers and baby giggles. The time you have for each other is what is left after the kids have gone to bed. It is harder to make that time to really focus on your relationship, but you always make it happen.

That is when it set in for me….

I don’t love him like I used to.

Back in the beginning it was so easy. We always had time for each other. It was all about us all of the time. We didn’t have to work for it. The time we spent together was only our time.

Now we have little people fighting for our attention. We are working ourselves to death to make ends meet, and it is just so difficult. We are tired and stressed.

After all of these years together. All of the fights. All of the milestones. The kids. Our love is not the same as it used to be.

And there is no doubt about it.

Nope. I just don’t love him like I used to.

I love him more.

How could I not?

We have been through so much together. We started out as two lost kids. In a one bedroom rental house in town. With little shit hand me down cars. We bought our first house together. We have went through things that would break most people. Through times when we had it all. to times when we had nothing. We have fought and made up more times that I can count. We have grown so much together.

I look at this man. How hard he works constantly, and I love that side of him. His drive. His never give up. and damn, does he look good in a uniform.

I see this man providing for his family. Giving up things he wants, for our needs and wants. He would sell his soul to make sure we were provided for, and sometimes I feel like he does, with all of those hours he works. All of those side jobs he takes.

The picture in my mind of him coming home from work with his arms wide open to hug his girls. I have images ingrained in my mind of him carrying his little girls to bed. Playing with them on the floor. He always has a smile for them.

And dang it if I don’t look at my two sweet little girls, and see a little bit of him in them both.

He still comes up and grabs me up in the kitchen for a hug and a kiss. Still slaps me on the ass when he walks by me. He still does all of those little things that just made me fall in love with him.

Oh, but it is so much more now.

I have seen him become the man of my dreams, right before my eyes.

Some girls go out looking for the man of their dreams from the get go. I know, because I did too. And when I first met him, he wasn’t my prince charming. He wasn’t the man of my dreams. But, that is what makes it so great.

We learned and grew together. Together, we learned how to be exactly what each other needed.

Love in the beginning is great, but watching your love grow over time. Learning to love another person over and over again. That is where its at.

I Don't Love Him Like I Used To